Coping with Heartbreaking Grief and Guilt during the 2018 Holidays

Coping Grief Holidays

COPING WITH GRIEF IN THESE HOLIDAYS

Coping with grief these holidays can be very rough. When you lose somebody, either to death or a breakup, it can be so darn difficult it can break your heart.

But there is hope, there are things that you can do to help yourself to cope with the pain.

Take in consideration that no matter how you lost that person (death or breakup) you have to go through a process of mourning.

In these times missing that especial person can be extremely difficult.

Do not despair though, coping with grief and mourning can be less painful these holidays following some advice, so you don’t feel so lonely and devastated.

Coping Holidays

  • Accept that these holidays are going to be different from others and hard.

  • Come up with a new tradition in memory of your loved one.

  • Ask your relatives and friends for help and companionship. Don’t spend time alone.

  • Don’t expect everyone to be extremely sympathetic with your grief. They are not grieving and only people very close to you will hug your heart with their sincere love and understanding.

  • Put out a ‘memory Christmas stocking’.

  • Light a beautiful candle in your home in memory of the person you have lost.

  • Make a donation to a charity that was important to your loved one in his/her memory.

  • Consult a therapist or counselor for extra advice and support. The holidays are especially tough, so this may be the time to talk to someone.

  • Make a memorial ornament, wreath, or other decoration in honor of your loved one.

  • Visit your loved one’s grave site and leave a present. Something you know he or she would have loved to get in Christmas.

  • Do not do anything that is going to cause you stress or anxiety. You have enough with your grieving.

  • Journal when you are having an especially bad day.

  • Skip holiday events if you are in holiday overload.

  • Don’t feel guilty.

Coping Grief Holidays

  • Don’t get trapped.  When you go to holiday events, drive yourself so you can leave if it gets to be too much.

  • Pull out old photo albums and spend some time on the holiday looking at photos.

  • Make a dish that your loved one used to make. Don’t get discouraged if you try to make their dish and you fail.  We’ve all been there (or, at least I’ve been there!).

  • Leave an empty seat at the holiday table in memory of your loved one.

  • If leaving an empty seat is too depressing, invite someone who doesn’t have any family to spend the holiday with.

  • Don’t send holiday cards this year if it is too sad or overwhelming.

  • Put out a photo table with photos of your loved one at holiday celebrations in the past.

  • Go to a grief group for extra support.

  • Remember that crying is okay.

Coping with Heartbreaking Grief and Guilt during the 2018 Holidays 1

  • Coping gets a bit easier when volunteering in your loved one’s memory.

  • Ignore people who want to tell you what you “should” do for the holiday.  Listen to yourself, trust yourself.

  • Watch the food.  Food can make us feel better in the short term. Don’t deprive yourself, but be careful that you don’t let food become your holiday comfort.

  • Watch the booze.  Alcohol can become a dangerous “friend” when we are grieving.

  • Say yes to help.  There will be people who want to help and may offer their support.  Take them up on their offers.

  • Ask for help.   This can be super-hard if it isn’t your style, but it is important.  Asking others to help with cooking, shopping, or decorating can be a big relief.

  • Write a journal.

  • Practice self-care: hair, clothing, hygiene.

  • Support kids by doing a memorial grief activity together.

  • Try to enjoy yourself. The holidays will be tough, but there will also be love and joy.

  •  Have in mind that it’s okay to be happy – this doesn’t diminish how much you love and miss the person who isn’t there this holiday.

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Goodreads Book of the Day Life and Death of War Correspondent Marie Colvin

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In Extremis: The Life and Death of the War Correspondent Marie Colvin

Marie Colvin, the headmost war reporter of her generation was killed in Syria in 2012 at age 56 by an IED (Improvised Explosive Device). The world of journalism lost a great and iconoclastic correspondent, a fearless female who covered  the most destructive global calamities of our times.

 

She lost an eye when she was reporting in Sri Lanka at the end of the civil war. She interviewed Gaddafi twice, and risked her life covering conflict in Chechnya, East Timor, Kosovo, Sierra Leone, and Zimbabwe.

Her personal life was highly interesting as it was her professional one: extremely motivated, bold and unpredictable. She married several times, drank heavily, suffered from PTSD and never allowed anyone to box her into what society expects from women’s roles.

In Extremis: The Life and Death of War Correspondent Marie Colvin by Lindsey Hilsum

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How To Cope with Anger While You are Grieving

How To Cope with Anger While You are Grieving 3

Losing a loved one can be one of the most painful and stressful events in your life, and it might cause severe emotional crisis that could develop into different physical symptoms or diseases:

  • Anger
  • Despair
  • Guilt
  • High blood pressure
  • Headaches
  • Bone aches
  • Worsening of arthritis symptoms.
  • Gastritis or worsening of symptoms.
  • And more….

This emotional maelstrom can affect behaviour and judgement. Many patients report to me stomach pain, eating habit changes: loss or gain of appetite, intestinal upsets, sleep disturbances and loss of energy. Of all life’s stresses, mourning can seriously test your natural defense systems. Existing illnesses may worsen or new conditions may appear.

In stressful and sad times you don’t need people around you who do not support you. You need to surround yourself with loving human beings who actually care about you. Go out with them, trust them if they have proven to you that they are loyal and faithful.

Having and caring for pets like dogs, cats, birds, is another way to find comfort. I especially love cats, but others prefer dogs or birds. Some people don’t like animals and would rather care for plants. Therefore, get into planting, gardening, farming and grafting. Some of my patients have expressed their liking towards social activities like volunteering, helping others, “not being at home where there are so many memories” — they say. It is fine, but remember,  sooner or later you have to face reality and stay at home. So do the volunteering for another reason such as helping others and just “not” to be at home.

How To Cope with Anger While You are Grieving 4

Remember: After the storm, calm is restored

If you want to know more do not forget to like  👍  this post and subscribe for free — Dr. Martha A. Castro, MD







Excellent Article It will Blow Your Mind Suicide Through the Cracks: The one the system missed — takingthemaskoff

Excellent Article It will Blow Your Mind Suicide Through the Cracks: The one the system missed — takingthemaskoff 5

I survived a suicide attempt. However my friend, he did not. This is what suicide looks like. This is him after hanging himself, right before he died. February 25th 2010. The difference between us is nothing, except our resources—--Malcolm Gladwell

By Cortland Pfeffer

There is enormous stigma associated with the word “suicide.” People cringe when you even mention the word and immediately change the subject. If we are afraid to talk about it, how on earth do we think we are going to prevent it? According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, suicide is the tenth leading cause of death in the United States, taking more than 40,000 per year. At this rate, in one decade, we lose 400,000 people to suicide – equivalent to the entire population of Oakland, California.

When someone is suicidal, the typical reaction is “don’t talk like that!” or “that’s not even funny.” Or it turns to simplifying the situation such as, “other people have it worse than you,” or “just snap out of it, things will get better.” Nobody wants to “deal with it” and most people will adamantly refuse to even discuss it. You may even be considered selfish for having those thoughts and leaving close ones behind.

But when suicide does occur, the response is quite the opposite. Suddenly, everyone is there and feels terrible. They did not see the signs, never saw it coming, and can only talk about the amazing qualities of the deceased. It even goes as far as to hear people saying, “why didn’t they just reach out?”

If anyone has ever lost someone to suicide, they know the tremendous amount of pain associated. There may not be a worse feeling in the world. There are so many unanswered questions, “what ifs”, and “Should haves”. In the end, nobody commits suicide because they want to die, they commit suicide because they want the pain to go away.

I was suicidal, Joe committed suicide.

Part of the reason Joe is dead is because of the stigma associated with suicide along with the professionals he worked with that neglected and labeled him. He did not get treated as he deserved.

Joe didn’t have money, my family did. He went to jail and stayed long-term, I went to jail and got bailed out. He stayed in jail, while I was offered treatment instead. His crimes were all non-violent drug possession charges, mine were DUI, assault, and disorderly.

The difference? I had money and resources. Based on the information in the paragraph above, is there any other reason for the difference in penalties?

Joe and I were also born with the same temperament, which is more in tune with others emotions and greater sensitivity. This is neither good nor bad, just the way we were born. This is not to say that being emotional is guaranteed to create issues.

To be on this far end of the spectrum, along with consistently being denied needed support, along with the unhealthy environment is a formula for addiction. They refer to this as the biopsychosocial model. The biology is the genetics, the psychological refers to the emotional neglect and trauma, and the sociological refers to growing up in a broken home, overpopulated schools with minimal resources, poverty, and lack of positive role models.

via Suicide Through the Cracks: The one the system missed — takingthemaskoff

Belgian Cyclist Michael Goolaerts Dies Today after Paris-Roubaix

My condolences to his family and all cyclists who love this sport. A great loss today in the professional cycling community and all of us amateur cyclists. Rest in peace.

The Belgian cyclist Michael Goolaerts, 23 years old, has died in hospital after suffering a cardiac arrest during Sunday’s Paris-Roubaix race.

Belgian Cyclist Michael Goolaerts Dies Today after Paris-Roubaix 6

The 23-year-old’s death was confirmed by Véranda’s Willems-Crelan in a statement on their Twitter account.

Goolaerts was taken to a hospital after receiving CPR treatment on the side of the road after a crash.

The statement from Véranda’s Willems-Crelan read: “It is with unimaginable sadness that we have to communicate the passing of our rider and friend Michael Goolaerts. He passed away on Sunday evening at 22.40 in Lille hospital in the presence of his family members and loved ones, who we keep in our thoughts. He died of cardiac arrest, all medical assistance was to no avail.”

The race was won by the Slovakian world champion Peter Sagan.

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C’est avec une tristesse inimaginable que nous devons annoncer que notre coureur et ami Michael Goolaerts est décédé” ce dimanche “à 22h40 à l’hôpital de Lille, en présence de sa famille et de ses proches“, a tweeté l’équipe belge.

Plus d’informations sur ces nouvelles ici